Understanding Pekuach Nefesh & Neurodivergence
Pekuach nefesh is a fundamental principle of Judaism that deals with balancing quality of life with life's commitments, especially religious ones. How can it apply to neurodivergent lives?
I’m studying Pikuach Nefesh in Judaism, and it's so fascinating. This guiding principle in Jewish thought explains how saving even one life takes precedence over everything, even keeping a mitzvah (command). Essentially, if it has a risk of causing harm to you or someone else, it’s against Torah to allow this act to be done, even if it’s an otherwise righteous act. For example, those chronically or otherwise ill are not advised to fast on days like Yom Kippur (which is why I have never fully fasted on days like Yom Kippur, even after becoming more observant in recent years).
Pikuach nefesh also applies to the jobs we are encouraged to take, the ways we are encouraged to support our communities, and the advice we give to others. Most of all, it embodies the very essence of Hashem: only good should come from the completion of a mitzvah. After all, “you shall live by them” was the main promise in Torah for following His commandments, so death and anything that can lead to a less abundant life is not aligned with the purpose of Hashem’s desires, and thus, not permitted. Upon reflecting, I realized that if we aren’t even obligated to keep mitzvahs if it puts our lives in danger, the very spiritual things that Hashem instructed us to live for, how much more is this principle applicable to the daily rat race of life?
How Pekuach Nefesh Applies in Everyday Life
Being autistic and dealing with multiple other disabilities, overcompensation has been my ticket to appreciation and admiration when I otherwise would just be the odd and quirky girl who never ages. To be recognized as a “normal” and productive adult, I’ve tried to push myself to give 100% so people would like me and see me as strong, resilient, inspirational, and productive. I’ve masked to be seen as cool, smart, and put-together, I’ve changed clothing styles to blend in with other girls and get into cliques, and I’ve participated in things I hated because “networking” could take me to the next level in my career, but these things always left me drained and feeling further detached from myself. I know you’ve probably been there too, feeling like you’ve got to straddle the fence from “too much” to “not enough.”
Yet, Hashem tells us to complete even mitzvahs only to live, not encourage death and a life riddled with anxiety and shame. If completing a mitzvah can be overruled to protect life, like working as an ER doctor on Shabbat to save lives or eating salted crackers and drinking water on Yom Kippur to avoid presyncope, how much more so can we make sacrifices to meet our very real needs medically, physically, and emotionally, even when so much is demanded of us by society?
The principle of pekuach nefesh shows me that Hashem is not about us needlessly suffering and pegging Him for for it. There’s a distinct difference between harm and hardship. Torah says we will face hardship because following Hashem’s commands is not always easy and life will still happen, but Torah does not condone staying in harm on purpose and needlessly risking our lives or spiritual sanity. In every part of life, from my religious observance to my health, I can accept my own limitations and love myself for my effort too. They are all connected.
Being disabled, I have an obligation to preserve my life. I am not obligated to burn myself out for others to see me. I should prioritize my time with Hashem, space for myself, and doing things my soul loves (and can handle). I have permission to do what I can in not only my practice of Judaism, but also in my career, my personal life, and my relationships. Even in the commitments I make, and the ways, I say “no” more often when I don’t have the energy to say “yes.” If we are going to talk about all the ways to buck societal constructs, pekuach nefesh shows us that this is the way to do it. Add life back into the world by preserving, guarding, and improving our own and others’, not looking for ways to take, hoard, and burn all that’s left.
This doesn’t mean I don’t break barriers and go beyond my comfort zone. It does mean recognizing that, most of the time, I’m already a barrier breaker and pushing past my comfort zone just by existing daily, dealing with everything from brain fog, body aches, hypermobile joints, and meltdowns, to ableism, antisemitism, and racism. Phew. I’m winded just writing this!
All and all, making sacrifices doesn’t always make me stronger, and taking the easy way out does not always make me weak. In fact, as it turns out I’m pretty tough after all, just by doing my best. Pekuach nefesh shows me I can be strong, righteous, productive, wise, and observant all at the same time as refreshed, calm, accommodating, and rested. There’s nothing wrong with that.